Perhaps the issue is less complicated than it seems. Kara Powell and Chap Clark's book Sticky Faith make the argument that parents are the single most important factor in the child/youth's faith. Dr. Christian Smith, a sociologist from Notre Dame, conducted a study on teens, parents, and faith. He concluded, "Most teenagers and their parents may not realize it, but a lot of research in the sociology of religion suggests that the single most important social influence in shaping young people's religious lives is the religious life modeled and taught to them by their parents." (Sticky Faith, p. 24) In other words, no matter how much a parent attempts to outsource his/her faith to the youth religious professional, a parent cannot overcome his or her influence through modeling. He can only give what he has himself. Vibrant faith will model vibrant faith. Lukewarmness will model lukewarmness.
For example, if a parent spends their time, money, energy, and resources to this activity and that activity, sending their kids to certain type of schools, and fails to prioritize Christ and His church by failing to care for it, serve it, build it up, sacrifice for it, and interact with it in community, then it would be quite easy to see how one's children will simply follow their father and mother's lack of priority for Christ and His church. Many adult followers of Christ recall hearing or seeing their parents on their knees in prayer. God's Word taught in family worship or simply seeing a father or mother reading his or her Bible is often emblazoned on the minds and hearts of children. The converse, however, is true. If God's Word and prayer is largely absent from the home except on Sundays, that child will begin to experience the dichotomy of faith. Faith in Jesus is for Sundays and only at the church building.
Children imitate parents from the earliest of ages. When a parent holds a consumeristic perspective on Christ and His church, it doesn't seem outlandish to imagine that their children will do likewise. If the parents' goals for their children is Harvard or law or wealth, and Jesus and the church is merely one component of many components, should we be at all surprised when that child matures to be an adult who cares nothing for Christ or at the very least, is a mere church attender who is satisfied with warming the pews each Sunday? The apple truly does not fall far from the tree. Such a person consumes without giving and when the church no longer meets his felt needs, he moves on to the next place where he can continue his consuming with comfort and ease. We can expect no more from our children when our hearts continually teach and preach, "The church is no different than a school or a baseball team. If you don't like the teacher or classmates, find a new school. If you don't like the coach or teammates, find a new team. If you tire of the Big Mac, try a burrito bowl at Chipotle."
I am afraid we are attempting to raise youth who love the social aspects of the church. We are raising youth who will be adults one day who attend church, perhaps attend small groups, serve here and there for a season, hang out with those who are easy to love without any real effort, but then eventually tire and say, "It's my turn to receive. I've done all I need to do." And when that receiving does not occur in the fashion we desire, we tire of the Big Mac, and it's time to transition to the Whopper. It's time to move on.
I long for my kids and the kids in my church to be followers of Christ, those who will be ready to lose their lives for Jesus' sake. (Matt 16:25) I want our youth to deny themselves, take up the cross daily and follow Him (Luke 9:23). I desire to see our kids remember the haunting words of Jesus: "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36) But I just wonder if our kids really did want these things, really wanted to give up all of their treasures, their pursuits, their status to follow Jesus with all of their hearts, souls, mind, and strength, whether we parents would actually really want that at all? I wonder.